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Home --> Risqué Business --> Juvenilia --> Rat's All, Folks

Rat's All, Folks

Legend:   Man hammers nails into penis, pours Coca-Cola on it, and rats eat it.

Example:   [Collected on the Internet, 2000]

This story was reported on a radio station in Freemantle Western Australia and later investigated by a student reporter from Perth, it hasn't been published until now.

The radio report transcribes as follows:

"A man in his early thirties died in hospital today after being discovered in his downtown Antique restoration workshop suffering from severe groin injuries. He was barely conscious after an apparent accident when paramedics rushed him to Freemantle Royal Infirmary where he died of his injuries."

Cub reporter Angeline MacKenzie later discovered that the man Bruce Coltrane, had been found by his wife after she had heard cries of agony coming from the workshop. The temperature on that day was well into the 40's - Coltrane was enjoying an ice cold Coca Cola. MacKenzie believes that the man became aroused by the heat and possibly boredom and started to masturbate. During his session he decided to experiment with self-piercing by hammering thin nails into his foreskin. He apparently slipped and missed the nail hitting the gland of his penis with the 2 pound hammer splitting it wide open.

Rat


In the shock of what he had done he reached for the Coke and poured the cooling liquid on to his bleeding member whilst staggering towards the phone. What happened next defies believe. Coltrane's pain was so extreme that he passed out and fell to the floor, It's understood that he woke several hours later to discover to his horror that not only his penis but his scrotum and testicles completely missing.

The investigation revealed that the blood and sugary drink had attracted rats which had proceeded to feast on the unconscious mans exposed genitalia even delving into the soft flesh of his intestine only stopping when he came round. Bleeding profusely he cried for help and later died from shock and loss of blood. Nasty.


Origins:   Expending the effort of "debunking" all the inaccurate and implausible details of stories like these is rather pointless, so we'll merely call attention to how well this tale fits the "juvenilia" category. (Although this piece is set in Australia, its misspellings and Americanisms betray it as being of non-Aussie origin.) It scores a solid 8 on the gross-o-meter, losing points for not mentioning any type of insect and employing food of the non-rotting variety. It does, however, cover all the other bases — it includes masturbation, self-mutilation, a beverage, animals eating genitalia, the complete loss of genitalia, and death. As the tale says, "Nasty!"

Last updated:   7 July 2007

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