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Claim: Under the LARK program, Taliban detainees are being housed with liberals who disagree with the government's treatment of prisoners kept at Guantanamo Bay.
Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2005]
Origins: We first encountered this bit of Internet lore in May 2002. Rest assured this was never a letter send out by anyone 
representing the White House; it is instead one anonymous author's idea of what the administration should be replying to those who criticize the conditions under which Taliban detainees have been housed at the U.S. Naval Base at Guantanamo Bay in Cuba. The Guantanamo Bay facility (abbreviated as GTMO, hence its "Gitmo" nickname) has been decried as inhumane by a number of human rights associations and been denounced at various times in the American press. As we detail in our article about a Charlie Daniels essay on the situation at Gitmo, the detainees were initially incarcerated at Some are outraged by the apparent human rights violations at Gitmo. Others view the method of foreign fighters' detainment at that facility as a necessary evil if those being held are to be prevented from inflicting harm on others. Members of yet another faction regard the matter as one of severe punishment justly earned by foreign fighters not entitled to the protections afforded under the Geneva code to conventional, uniformed prisoners of
That divergence of opinion has led to members of the first and third groups (and sometimes the second) regarding one another as fool-headed in their assessments and hopelessly out of touch with the core issues at stake. The Internet piece about the fictional LARK program was penned from such a soapbox, its author expressing through the vehicle of humor the opinion that those decrying the condition of the prisoners would quickly change their tune if they were the ones responsible for incarcerating Taliban and That line of thought was not original to the unknown author of the Internet piece, as evidenced by this Jim Huber "Politically Correct" cartoon published in January 2002. The e-mail (which, by the way, is a well-crafted use of satire — it is a playfully entertaining read that makes its point in none-too-subtle fashion) has gone through a few revisions as it has sped from inbox to inbox since its 2002 debut, most notably the change of the signature line from "Cordially, George W. Bush" to "Cordially...Your Buddy, Don Rumsfeld." This shift reflects current societal perception of Other textual alterations include the elision of this segment of the 2002 version from the 2005 version:
[Collected on the Internet, 2002]
Also, the section on how the fictional prisoner will get along with women in the LARK recipient's household changed:
Ahmed's meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest serving meals that do not require utensils, particularly knives and forks. Also, these should be "one-handed" foods; Ahmed will not eat with his left hand since he uses it to wipe himself after purging his bowels (which he will do in your yard) — but look on the bright side.. no increase in the toilet paper bill. He generally bathes quarterly with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and he washes his clothes simultaneously. This should help with your water bill. Also, your new friend has a really bad case of body lice that hasn't been completely remedied. Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage: "Does not play well with others."
[Collected on the Internet, 2005]
The closing was also altered:
Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. This is a particularly sensitive subject for him, and he has been known to show violent tendencies around women who fail to comply with the new dress code that Ahmed will recommend as more appropriate attire. I'm sure they will come to enjoy the anonymity offered by the bhurka — over time. Just remind them that it is all part of "respecting his culture and his religious beliefs" — wasn't that how you put it? [Collected on the Internet, 2002] Ahmed will not wish to interact with your wife or daughters (except sexually) since he views females as a subhuman form of property. However, he will be eager to assist with the education of your sons; have available for their use several copies of the Q'uran. Oh — and rest assured he absolutely loves animals, especially cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted, but raw is fine, too, if they aren't more than 2 or
[Collected on the Internet, 2005]
The later cropping of the original closing paragraphs removes a key element from the piece, that of its writer's indignation over Gitmo's decriers' insistence that a team of observers not allied with or controlled by the U.S. military be tasked with supervising the conditions under which prisoners are housed at that facility.
Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. You take good care of Ahmed - and remember...we'll be watching. Good luck! [Collected on the Internet, 2002] Thanks again for your letter. We truly appreciate it when folks like you, who know so much, keep us informed of the proper way to do our job. We think this watching over each other's shoulder is such a good way for people to interact that we will be sending a team of federal officials with expertise in your line of work to your place of business soon, just to help you do your job better. Don't be concerned that they have the power to close your business, seize your property, and arrest you for any violation of the 4,850,206 laws, codes, regulations and rules that apply to your profession. They're really there just to make sure you're doing everything the proper way. That is what you wanted, right? Well, thank you for this opportunity to interact with such a valued member of the citizenry. You take good care of Ahmed — and remember...we'll be watching. Barbara "victimized by a blue pencil pusher" Mikkelson Last updated: 15 February 2005 Urban Legends Reference Pages © 1995-2009 by Barbara and David P. Mikkelson. This material may not be reproduced without permission. snopes and the snopes.com logo are registered service marks of snopes.com. |
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