Old Wives' Tales
Radio & TV
Toxin du jour
Claim: List compiles Andy Rooney's wry observations on a variety of topics.
Example: [Collected on the Internet, 2003]
Origins: Andy Rooney, the curmudgeonly commentator who closed every Sunday broadcast of television's
There are some quick giveaways that not everything on this list came from the pen of Andy Rooney: making risqué jokes about Monica Lewinsky and "morning arousals" just wasn't his style; he wouldn't have written "I live in
Like most items of this ilk, this list has been circulating for several years, with new items being added and others dropped off as it has trudged from inbox to inbox. The first two entries (about Monica Lewinsky and vegetarians) are common jokes tacked on fairly recently; at other times the list has included some or all of the following additional entries:
Award Shows:So, to whom should this be properly attributed? Although we could swear that at least of few of these items are things we've heard Andy Rooney say, this isn't his work. Nor is it the work of humorist George Carlin (another personality commonly given credit for political humor of uncertain origin), to whom these witticisms are also often attributed. Everything here (except the first two jokes) springs from the creative mind of comedian
Can you believe how many award shows they have now? They have awards for commercials. The Cleo Awards. A whole show full of commercials. I taped it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.
It's weird when pregnant women feel the baby kicking. They say, "Oh my God. He's kicking. Do you wanna feel it?" I always feel awkward reaching over there. Come on! It's weird to ask someone to feel your stomach. I don't do that when I have gas. "Oh my
Ads in Bills:
Have you ever noticed that they put advertisements in with your bills now? Like bills aren't distasteful enough, they have to stuff junk mail in there with them. I get back at them. I put garbage in with my check when I mail it in. Coffee grinds, banana peels... I write, "Could you throw this away for me? Thank you."
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And what do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, then you got to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, get laid, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating in warm
On 4 November 2011, Andy Rooney passed away at the age of 92.
Last updated: 5 November 2011
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