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You May Be a Muslim

Claim:   A list of 'You may be a Muslim' jokes originated with comedian Jeff Foxworthy.

FALSE

Example:   [Collected via e-mail, November 2010]

I received this message today that claims to be a bunch of Jeff Foxworthy jokes very derogatory to Muslims. I find it difficult to believe they really came from him.
 

1. You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to liquor.
You may be a Muslim

2. You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.
You may be a Muslim

3. You have more wives than teeth.
You may be a Muslim

4. You wipe your butt with your bare hand, but consider bacon unclean.
You may be a Muslim

5. You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You may be a Muslim

6. You can't think of anyone you haven't declared Jihad against.
You may be a Muslim

7. You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You may be a Muslim

8. You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You may be a Muslim

9. You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least four.
You may be a Muslim

10. Your cousin is president of the United States.
You may be a Muslim

11. You find this offensive or racist and don't forward it.
You may be a Muslim

 

Origins:   The above-referenced list of "You may be a Muslim" jokes was widely circulated via the Internet at the end of 2010, attributed to comedian Jeff Foxworthy. Although its structure is somewhat imitative of one of Foxworthy's signature humor routines, the "You might be a redneck if ..." cycle of jokes, that's all it has in common with the nationally famous comedian. Jeff's brother, Jay, confirmed for us that this material was not written by his sibling.

Like most of his material, Jeff Foxworthy's "redneck" jokes are typically affectionate and self-deprecating (he is himself a Southerner); his brand of humor is neither as overtly political nor as cuttingly mean as (and is generally much funnier than) the "You may be a Muslim" list reproduced above. This collection of one-liners is an updating of a earlier version of a list which is several years old (dating back at least as far as October 2007), was originally about the Taliban specifically (rather than Muslims in general), and was not in its original incarnation attributed to Jeff Foxworthy (or anyone else):
You Might Be A Part Of The Taliban If...

...You refine heroin for a living, but you have a moral objection to beer.

...You own a $300 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can't afford shoes.

...You have more wives than teeth.

...You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.

...You've ever opened a can of falafel with a mortar round.

...You used a Stinger missile given to you by George Bush Sr. to shoot at a helicopter sent by George Bush Jr.

...You've ever had your camel repossessed.

...You can't think of anyone you HAVEN'T declared Jihad against.

...You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry ammunition in your robe.

...You've ever been asked, "Does this burka make my ass look fat?"

...You think "The Kite Runner" is the funniest book you ever read.

...You've felt the urge to rub one out after seeing a woman's exposed ankle.

...You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.

...You've ever uttered the phrase, "I love what you've done with your cave."

...You wipe your ass with your bare left hand, but consider bacon "unclean."
Last updated:   15 November 2010

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