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Home --> Humor --> Laughable Lists --> Olympic Games

Olympic Games

Claim:   List collects humorous double entrendres from various sports commentators.

Status:   Undetermined.

Example:   [Collected on the Internet, 2004]

These are hilarious!!!

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators during the [2004] Summer Olympics that they would like to take back

1. Weightlifting commentator: "This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing."

2. Dressage commentator: "This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother."

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."

4. Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries,and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious."

5. Softball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."

6. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: "Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew."

8. Soccer commentator: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."

9. Tennis commentator: "One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them . . . Oh my God, what have I just said?"

Origins:   Despite an increasing public sensitivity to the perpetuation of derogatory stereotypes, those who are seen as having become undeservedly famous and Olympics wealthy — actors, athletes, models — continue to serve as the butts of jokes that play on their supposed lack of intelligence. Athletes say some incredibly dumb things, these jokes emphasize, therefore athletes really are dumb (as are sports announcers, especially since many of them are former athletes).

Not all of the examples listed above are really the product of "dumbness," though. Many of them are simply unintentionally humorous double entendres, the kind that are easy to make when one works in a field with a distinct jargon, such as sports. (Since the Olympic Games include many different types of sports, each with its own distinct jargon, the possibilities for inadvertent humor are many.) None of these quotes originated with the 2004 Olympics in Athens, however — similar lists with somewhat differently-worded entries attributed to other people (and featuring some non-Olympic sports) were circulating as far back as 1999, particularly in Australia during the run-up to the 2000 Olympics in Sydney:
"We actually got the winner three minutes from the end but then they equalised."
(Ian McNail — Football)

"This is really a lovely horse; I once rode her mother."
(Ted Walsh — Horse Racing Commentator)

"We now have exactly the same situation as we had at the start of the race, only exactly the opposite."
(Murray Walker — F1 Motor racing Commentator)

On the difficulties of adjusting to playing football and living in Italy: "It was like being in a foreign country."
(Ian Rush — Footballer)

"Bill Frindal has done a bit of mental arithmetic with a calculator."
(John Arlott — Cricket Commentator)

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
(Winston Bennett — Footballer)

"The lead car is absolutely unique, except for the one behind it which is identical." (Murray Walker — F1 Motor racing Commentator)

"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father."
(Greg Norman — Golfer)

"Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing — but none of them serious."
(Alan Minter - Boxer)

"The racecourse is as level as a billiard ball."
(John Francombe — Jockey)

"If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again."
(Terry Venables — Football Coach)

"We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival."
(Noel O'Mahoney, Cork City boss before the game in Munich)

"I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
(Ron Atkinson — Footballer)

"He dribbles a lot and the opposition don't like it — you can see it all over their faces."
(Ron Atkinson — Footballer)

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat."
(Ron Atkinson — Football Coach)

On Tony Adamson's alcoholism: "It took a lot of bottle for Tony to own up."
(Ian Wright — Footballer)

"Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got 11 Dicks on the field."
(Metro Radio)

" . . . and later we'll have action from the men's cockless pairs."
(Sue Barker — Commentating on Rowing)

"Her time is about 4.33, which she's capable of."
(David Coleman — Athletics)

Grand National winning jockey Mark Fitzgerald: "Sex is an anti-climax after that."
Desmond Lynam: "Well, you gave the horse a wonderful ride, everybody saw that."

"To play Holland, you have to play the Dutch."
(Ruud Gullit — Football Coach)

"Well, either side could win, or it could be a draw."
(Ron Atkinson — Football Coach)

"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip."
(John Motson — Football Commentator)

"Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer."
(David Acfield)

"I'd like to play for an Italian club, like Barcelona."
(Mark Draper — Aston Villa)

"There goes Juan Torera down the back straight, opening his legs and showing his class."
(David Coleman at the Montreal Olympics)

"One of the reasons Arnie (Arnold Palmer) is playing so well is that, before each tee-shot, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them — Oh my God, what have I just said?"
(US TV commentator)

"And for those of you who watched the last programme (Fanny and Johnny Craddock), I hope all your doughnuts turn out like Fanny's."
(David Coleman at the start of Match of the Day)

"Just under 10 seconds for Nigel Mansell. Call it 9.5 seconds in round numbers."
(Murray Walker)

"I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body."
(Winston Bennett)

"I can see the carrot at the end of the tunnel."
(Stuart Pearce)

"The Port Elizabeth ground is more of a circle than an oval. It's long and square."
(Trevor Bailey)

"Watch the time — it gives you an indication of how fast they are running."
(Ron Pickering)

"That's inches away from being millimetre perfect."
(Ted Lowe)

"I'll fight Lloyd Honeyghan for nothing if the price is right."
(Marion Starling)

"I can't tell who's leading. It's either Oxford or Cambridge."
(John Snagge, covering The Boat Race)

"Lara's chanced his arm, and it's come off."
(Brian Johnston)

"Fred Davis, the doyen of snooker, now 67 years of age and too old to get his leg over, prefers to use his left hand."
('Whispering' Ted Lowe)

"A brain scan revealed Andrew Caddick is not suffering from a stress fracture of the shin."
(Jo Sheldon)

"Bobby Gould thinks I'm trying to stab him in the back. In fact, I'm right behind him."
(Stuart Pearson)

"There's going to be a real ding dong when the bell goes."
(David Coleman)

"We didn't underestimate them. They were just a lot better than we thought."
(Bobby Robson, after playing Cameroon in the 1990 World Cup finals)

"I was in a no-win situation, so I'm glad I won rather than lost."
(Frank Bruno)
We haven't undertaken exhaustive research to determine which — if any — of these entries might actually have been uttered by a real person, but the inclusion of some demonstrably old and apocryphal items (such as the joke about Arnold Palmer) leads us to believe that a good many of them are nothing more than fanciful creations of someone's imagination.

Last updated:   1 September 2004

Urban Legends Reference Pages © 1995-2014 by Barbara and David P. Mikkelson.
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  Sources Sources:
    Hay, J.   "Bug Bare."
    [Queensland] Sunday Mail.   18 April 1999   (Sport; p. 95).

    Kershler, Ray.   "The Quips Are Cracking."
    The [Sydney] Daily Telegraph.   8 May 1999   (Sport; p. 151).