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  Suspicious Object Turns Out to Be Star Wars Toy   (Associated Press)
  • Call Luke Skywalker for backup.
  •   $10,000 In Marijuana Seized From Man Named Stoner   (UPI)
  • A man whose last name is Stoner faces numerous drug charges after police seized over $10,000 in cannabis plants from his home.
  •   Wanted Man Crashes Car Into Police Hunting for Him   (UPI)
  • A man wanted by police accidentally turned himself in after crashing into an on-duty officer.
  •   Casino Loses Cash Left On Roof Of Armored Truck   (UPI)
  • Casino officials and local authorities are investigating the disappearance of nearly $21,000 in cash after the security company responsible for transporting the money left it on the roof of an armored truck.
  •   Man Fakes Suicide To Get Out Of Engagement   (UPI)
  • A woman who was expecting to be on her honeymoon is instead enjoying an impromptu vacation after her former fiance attempted to fake his own suicide to get out of marrying her.
  •   Fantasy Football Season Costs Employers Billions   (UPI)
  • Employers may lose billions during fantasy football season due to employees eschewing their responsibilities at work to focus on managing their fake teams.
  •   Woman With Cocaine In Breast Implants Arrested At Airport   (UPI)
  • Police arrested a woman who arrived at an airport with 1.7 kilos of cocaine hidden in her breast implants.
  •   Man Receives Pot Delivery While Being Questioned By Police   (WBZ Boston)
  • They say timing is everything.
  •   Man Makes Art By Squirting Paint From His Eyes   (Global Post)
  • Leandro Granato considers himself the creator of the "eye painting" technique, by which he drips and squirts paint from his tear ducts.
  •   Busy Mom Has Baby While Registering Son At School   (Associated Press)
  • A mother in the advanced stages of labor thought she had just enough time to stop off and register her 4-year-old son at school en route to the hospital.
  •   Wiman Cited For Climbing Into Zoo's Giraffe Pen   (Associated Press)
  • A woman was cited after climbing into the giraffe exhibit and getting kicked in the face.
  •   Hospital Accidentally Declares 200 Patients Dead   (Reuters)
  • The hospital apologized after mistakenly sending out death notices for 200 of its very-much-alive patients.
  •   Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Cops Don't Know.   (Reuters)
  • Officers were dispatched to a report of a chicken crossing a rush-hour highway after a caller said the bird was causing a traffic hazard.
  •   Woman Walks To Truck, Drives Herself To Hospital After Bear Attack   (UPI)
  • A woman was able to walk for more than a mile and drive herself to the hospital after she was mauled by a bear while hiking.
  •   Man Dragging Stolen Safe Behind His Car Arrested After Passing Officer   (UPI)
  • A man was arrested after he stole a safe from a pharmacy and then dragged it behind his car.
  •   Woman Accused Of Going After Sister With Spatula   (UPI)
  • A woman who slapped her sister in the head with a spatula from an outdoor grill is facing a felony malicious wounding charge.
  •   Grandmother Demands $1,000 For "Pain And Suffering" After Bad Haircut   (UPI)
  • A grandmother wants her hair salon to fork over $1,000 after a stylist gave her a haircut that is so bad it is affecting her social life.
  •   Woman Attacked At Barbecue For Wearing Short Shorts   (UPI)
  • A woman is being charged with felony second-degree assault after she attacked another female at a barbecue because she felt that her shorts were too short.
  •   Pilot's Artificial Arm Detached While Landing   (Associated Press)
  • An air accident report has recounted how a pilot lost control of a passenger plane after his artificial arm became detached during landing.
  •   Mr. T Proclaims "I Pity The Criminals" As He Waits For Jury Duty   (Associated Press)
  • Lawrence Tureaud, better known as Mr. T, was in true form as he waited outside a suburban courthouse to be called for jury duty.
  •   Woman Stole Wine To See Jailed Boyfriend   (Associated Press)
  • A woman stole a bottle of $3.99 wine to get arrested and see her jailed boyfriend.
  •   Hiker Sings Opera To Scare Off Mountain Lion   (UPI)
  • The mountain lion attack is over when the hiking lady sings.
  •   Out On Bail, Man Breaks Into Police Car For Nap   (Reuters)
  • A man charged with stealing a taxi cab stepped out of a station house and into an empty patrol car for a nap.
  •   Man Freed From Clothing Donation Bin   (UPI)
  • A man emerged from a clothing donation bin wearing a shirt and boxer shorts but no pants, despite being stuck inside for more than three hours.
  •   Man Arrested After Pretending To Be Ghost In Graveyard   (UPI)
  • A man was busted for pretending to be a ghost while he was "haunting" a cemetery.
  •   Man Wins Doughnut-Eating Contest, Gets Arrested   (Reuters)
  • The sweet victory for a man who beat police officers in a doughnut-eating contest soured after a newspaper story about the win led to his arrest on breaking and entering charges.
  •   Commuters Tip Train Car to Help Trapped Man   (Associated Press)
  • Dozens of people helped rescue a fellow commuter by pushing against a train car to free the man whose leg slipped between the platform and the train.
  •   Police Raid Pub In Search For Holy Grail   (Reuters)
  • Police raided a country pub this week in search of a stolen wooden relic believed by some to be the Holy Grail.
  •   Man Takes Woman On Date So Friend Can Steal Her Purse   (UPI)
  • A man may not have been looking for a cheap date, but he was apparently hoping to make a few bucks by going on one.
  •   'Panda Friend' Is Going To Be Metta World Peace's New Name   (UPI)
  • After signing with the Sichuan Blue Whales of the Chinese Basketball Association, Metta World Peace aka Ron Artest announced his name will now be Panda Friend.
  •   Man Sets House on Fire Trying to Kill Spider   (UPI)
  • A man set his home on fire while trying to kill a spider by setting it ablaze.
  •   Man Threatens to Kill Roommate After Eating His Cookies   (UPI)
  • A man was booked on charges of attempted murder and aggravated domestic battery after he attacked his roommate because she chowed down on his Chips Ahoy.
  •   Monkeys Take Selfies, Sparking Copyright Dispute   (Associated Press)
  • Monkey see, monkey do. But when a monkey takes a selfie, who owns the copyright?
  •   Woman Found with Stolen Snake After Crash   (Associated Press)
  • A woman who crashed her car into a fire house was found to be in possession of marijuana — and a stolen snake wrapped around her neck.
  •   Semi Crash Coats Highway In Butter   (Associated Press)
  • A semitrailer has overturned on an interstate, spilling 45,000 pounds of packages of butter and other dairy products.
  •   Hundreds Of Pet Rats Removed From Apartment   (Reuters)
  • Animal control officers were working to remove approximately 300 rats from an apartment and will put them up for adoption around the country.
  •   300,000 Liters Of Beer Stolen   (Global Post)
  • First you take some, then you come back for more.
  •   Middle Aged Garden Vandal Repeatedly Rips Up People's Plants   (Daily Mail)
  • “There have been several reports of criminal damage of a similar nature in the area and we believe that one person may be responsible."
  •   Man Tells Police That Only Guns At Crime Scene Are His Biceps   (UPI)
  • Some police officers bought themselves "tickets to the gun show" when they arrived at a home to check out a call about a firearm on the premises.
  •   Tourists Call Police After Being Charged $56 For Ice Cream And Water   (UPI)
  • "It's their fault...I advise foreigners to read the menu," the manager said.
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